Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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