So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
