FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
