If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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