I don't usually arrange sex via text message
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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