so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
