I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
