just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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