We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
