I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
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