I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
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The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
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I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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