May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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