You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
