Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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