he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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