so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Randomize