Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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