i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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