I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I pour the whiskey from now on
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
