I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
