found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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