Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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