he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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