Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
