just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
