Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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