About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I AM VODKA MAN
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
