I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
