You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
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