no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
