I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
