and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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