So drunk its hurt
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
