i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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