Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
