He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
