now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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