11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
