great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize