I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your penis caused this!
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
