Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
