Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Little spoons don't ask big questions
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
