i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
This gyro tastes like lonliness
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
