watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
be right there i have to get my cape
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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