Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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