it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
