I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
