What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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