We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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