My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
