singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
