Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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