so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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