just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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