that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
