I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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