Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
