remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
I'm really busy with my period
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