Rock
Scissors
Fuck
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
