Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
