Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
