My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
