he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Randomize
