covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
