I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Randomize
