pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
